SOUL._.SAYS 001

8:58pm … she smiled at the bright screen and waited for a “good night” message which her favourite person sends every evening exactly at 8:59pm.. No they were not dating.. I wouldn’t say they were “best friends “ but yes, this “good night” was a ritual started by him without any reason. This made no sense , because they would be chatting at 2:00am also . But the ‘good’ before the ‘night’ just made her happier. She did not crush on him , he probably did , and she never knew . Their friendship was a 12 year strong bond. He knew her more than she knew herself, and she could easily predict what he was thinking without even an eye contact . They did not need words to talk , or gestures. Their messages were conveyed even when they were talking to some third person. A smile , a laugh , a nod , meant a million different things at million different times and they always knew the meaning .

They made each other complete , without hanging out together or talking to each other in the school. Just a 40min bus ride for 12 years and the continuous chats for 2 years did all the work . They were inseparable yet separated . They were each others secret keepers , but they never names their relationship something .

She would smile a lot more , even at his lame jokes, but give an eye roll when it got way too lame to handle . He could handle her every mood , listen her blabber and make her shut up with a single stare. He used to get on her nerves every single day and then give her a fit of laughter with just a smirk.But , one fine day , high school ended . The bus was no more at their service . They were still the same . Social media helped them irritate each other . Weeks passed and chats decreased. She started preparing for college entrances and he was busy pursuing his dream of becoming a basket ball player . Her course timings clashed with his free time, and his training times increased as days passed. They did chat , once in four days , you would never suspect that a thing changed between them , because maybe it did not. They still can communicate without communicating , but deep down they knew the string that attached them was losing it’s strengths . He played his first tournament , and she wanted to go cheer him , but people outside his university were not allowed. She was anxious the whole day , she really wanted him to win. He deserved to . He had worked harder that hardest. Late evening , his message said that they one 56-54 . And all she could say was “ congrats.. Good for ur career” Something had changed between them , they knew something was different , but whenever they talked it was like the strength of the string had increased . People asked , what kind of relationship they had , all they could say was “friends” .. No not “best” friends.. “just friends” and yet they could tell if the breathing pattern of the other had changed 🙂 He knew he needed her , she knew she needed him , yet time had other plans . After the success of his first tournament and her admission into college ,all they are now are two people who have a deep connection but can never find a line to connect .

Every night , he still sends a “good night” she still waits at 8:58pm , he is still aware she smiles while sending it , she is knows he is smirking while sending it. But now , the 2:00 am talks have lost their existence , the chat windows are just filled with “good nights “ and single line birthday wishes. But , their hearts are still aware that somewhere the 12 years are yet the most beautiful times they ever spent. He can still visualise her eye roll, she can still picturize his “duh” look , and they are still “ just friends “…

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SHE SMILED …. and I fell

She smiled when her friend cracked a joke; and my lips twitched up involuntarily ..

She smiled when the teacher told her she got an A ; and I felt happy even after seeing a C on my paper …

She smiled when she topped the class and I felt amazing even when she was the reason I failed …

She smiled when I gathered courage and talked to her for the first time , My eyes surely sparked even if I was trembling inside …

She smiled and agreed when I asked her to join me and my friends for a movie , I soberly grinned while I did a happy dance inside …

She smiled and accepted to tutor me , I did not sleep the day she spent the evening teaching me …

She smiled and nodded when I asked her to go to the prom with me , and that is when my heart did a somersault…

She smiled and blushed when I complimented on how beautiful she looked , Damn ! That sight ..

She smiled and buried her neck on the crook of my neck when our body moved in sync to the songs , I shivered as her breath touched my neck…

She smiled when we had our eyes locked under the starry night sky,

I realised; sneaking out of the prom was the best decision I ever made ..

Those few moments under the sky , and I knew I fell hard ….

So, today I will ask her if she will let me see her smile forever , if she would honour me with her existence forever , if she would be my girlfriend ..

I take a sharp breath and knock on her door ..

” coming ” she shouted ..

I sighed .. She opened the door , wearing an oversized t-shirt and her hair a mess..

” hi ! ” she chirped .

” I need to say something ” i mumbled

” go on ” she had that pretty smile on …

Okay Here we go ..

“You have smiled all the time , you have added spark to my life with just a smile , your smile has made even the most boring movies the best ones, your smile has somehow made my math class interesting, though I have no idea what is going on in the class; but do I know you smiled atleast five times today , your smile has distracted me from every lesson you tutored me , your smile is what I am addicted to …

But , I want to see every season of you .. all I have seen is the happy and joyful spring , I want to see you get mad at me like a thunderstorm , I want to give you the warmth when you are sad and dealing with your winter , I want to gaze at you every

time you shine like a summer sun….

I want you to bore me with all your girl gossips , I want you to make me see shitty movies like the notebook while we cuddle on the couch ,

I want you to get jealous when a girl bashes her eyelashes at me ,

I want you to give me a death glare when I try to flirt with someone other than you ,

I want to hear you ramble about how your day went ..

I want to kiss the hell out of you to make you shut up ,

I want to suffer every pain , go through all the bad times with you by my side

I want to embrace your presence around me forever …

So, Miss perfect ; would you give me the pleasure to experience all of you ? Will you be my all season girlfriend, because I LOVE YOU and I want to drown you in all the love I carry for you … so .. will you let me sink u ?

I took a breath and looked at her ..

She had tears in her eyes for the first time .. and a small smile spread across her beautiful lips..

” Here, see my tears? This is me experiencing my rainy winter , now would you give me your warmth ? ” she said and pecked my lips …

I have no description for this moment …

She pulled back , grinning with a teary eye ,

We went inside her house and she put her arms around my neck , mine were on her waist ;

“You see my happy spring because you change every season of mine to spring , And For the record , you do not have to try and drown me in the sea of your love ; I already have …. ” and then she kissed me..

This time with more passion…

” I love you ” she whispered , her breath falling on my lips ..

” I love you more ” I said and put her on my shoulder and startesd moving towards the living room..

” What the …” She laughed …

She laughed and I stopped ….

I put her down and looked at her..

” what ? ” she chuckled ..

” Your laugh…” I trailed..

” my laugh ? ” she raised her eyebrows ..

” is my favourite season ” I grinned and pushed her on the couch with me on top of her..

SOMETIMES

Sometimes , You just have to let go without wanting to loosen your grip..

sometimes , you have to settle , while wanting to rustle …

Sometimes, you have to let it happen, without wanting it to occur …

Sometimes , you have to nod a yes , while your thoughts scream a no …

Sometimes , you have to stop , without wanting to take a halt …

Sometimes, you have to walk straight , while your heart wants you to run back …

Sometimes , you have to unleash things , without wanting to release them ..

Sometimes you have to surrender, while you know how to conquer..

Sometimes , you have to accept , without wanting to believe ..

Sometimes, you have to stay quiet , while wanting to shout …

Sometimes , you have to trust , without wanting to confide …

Sometimes , you have to let it pass , while wishing to hold it back ..

Sometimes , you have to hear the truth , without wanting to know it ..

Sometimes , you have to sink into the reality ,while wanting to swim past your dream land ..

Because ;

Sometimes , you have to realise it’s not just about you ,

without wanting to acknowledge the others …

~ saloni

imperfectly,PERFECT

I admire my scars
Because they remind me of the times I survived

I compliment my flaws,
Because they make me want to improve

I like my unmanicured hands ,
Because they reflect my hard work

I stand confident on my rough feet,
Because they carry the memories of the journeys I successfully completed

I smile at my dark circles,
Because they are my diary entries from the nights I over-worked

I love my tired eyes ,
Because they recite the stories of my sleepless night

I grin at my unkept hair ,
Because they tell me I have had more important things to do

I feel affection towards my dry skin ,
Because it lost it’s nourishment to the bright sun I toiled in

I laugh and live happily with all my imperfections,

Because they bought me to where I stand today ,

Because they define the path from where I started to where I reached ,

Because , they carved me to a better , real and a perfect version of me

Because they let the world choose to love or hate who I actually am and not judge the perfected , moulded and recreated me .

~saloni

IMPERFECT ?

I’M PERFECT !
” It is all about how YOU view things “

Discovering myself 

She told me she needed to find the right place to reside and in return would help me live better somehow..
I took a deep breath and gave her the permission to climb up to me

She took me away from my ‘ log kya kahenge ‘ prison

That’s when I ditched the ‘dr’ title and chose my passion

We swam through the pool of taunts and dodged the head jailor whose name tag read ‘society ‘

She made me free from the chains of ‘ ideal choices’ and the tortures of ‘ always making the right decissions’

She kicked away the guards of the ‘ judgemental ‘ unit

She flew me to a world where eyes did not scan what I wore

But viewed what was inside the skeletal structure

We fought the ‘haters ‘ gang and bruised the ‘ gossip’ community

Even after all this ‘war ‘ against the world ; She hadnt found her destination yet , and I was unaware of how she was going to make my life better ..
That is when she stabbed the ‘society cooked ‘ me and let the ‘ rough and raw version of ‘ me live .

” don’t let the walls of the world strip you of your real identity” she said ” Dont change yourself to fit into the categories of this world , you should be able to pass the bars of acceptance chose by you . You should be the one judging you , you should be the one making changes to yourself and not the remarks of this hideous society we live in “

I closed my eyes and inhaled her words … after a few seconds of self – introspections , gathering of courage and analysis , I exhaled . With the breath I threw the ‘society molded me’ out to leave behind a sack of untouched clay , which waited to be moulded by the experiences I choose to have , to be decorated by all the wrong decissions I make , to be carved by the craftments of all the failures I have , to be dried by the heat of the hard work I do , to be picked up by the hands of my passions and to be placed in the shelves of success I achieve .

I opened my eyes to see her ; the inner desire , the inner me , finally find a place where it can be expressed .

She kept her promise ,
She found a place to reside and being her home helped me have a better life .

 
~ SALONI