She smiled when her friend cracked a joke; and my lips twitched up involuntarily ..
She smiled when the teacher told her she got an A ; and I felt happy even after seeing a C on my paper …
She smiled when she topped the class and I felt amazing even when she was the reason I failed …
She smiled when I gathered courage and talked to her for the first time , My eyes surely sparked even if I was trembling inside …
She smiled and agreed when I asked her to join me and my friends for a movie , I soberly grinned while I did a happy dance inside …
She smiled and accepted to tutor me , I did not sleep the day she spent the evening teaching me …
She smiled and nodded when I asked her to go to the prom with me , and that is when my heart did a somersault…
She smiled and blushed when I complimented on how beautiful she looked , Damn ! That sight ..
She smiled and buried her neck on the crook of my neck when our body moved in sync to the songs , I shivered as her breath touched my neck…
She smiled when we had our eyes locked under the starry night sky,
I realised; sneaking out of the prom was the best decision I ever made ..
Those few moments under the sky , and I knew I fell hard ….
So, today I will ask her if she will let me see her smile forever , if she would honour me with her existence forever , if she would be my girlfriend ..
I take a sharp breath and knock on her door ..
” coming ” she shouted ..
I sighed .. She opened the door , wearing an oversized t-shirt and her hair a mess..
” hi ! ” she chirped .
” I need to say something ” i mumbled
” go on ” she had that pretty smile on …
Okay Here we go ..
“You have smiled all the time , you have added spark to my life with just a smile , your smile has made even the most boring movies the best ones, your smile has somehow made my math class interesting, though I have no idea what is going on in the class; but do I know you smiled atleast five times today , your smile has distracted me from every lesson you tutored me , your smile is what I am addicted to …
But , I want to see every season of you .. all I have seen is the happy and joyful spring , I want to see you get mad at me like a thunderstorm , I want to give you the warmth when you are sad and dealing with your winter , I want to gaze at you every
time you shine like a summer sun….
I want you to bore me with all your girl gossips , I want you to make me see shitty movies like the notebook while we cuddle on the couch ,
I want you to get jealous when a girl bashes her eyelashes at me ,
I want you to give me a death glare when I try to flirt with someone other than you ,
I want to hear you ramble about how your day went ..
I want to kiss the hell out of you to make you shut up ,
I want to suffer every pain , go through all the bad times with you by my side
I want to embrace your presence around me forever …
So, Miss perfect ; would you give me the pleasure to experience all of you ? Will you be my all season girlfriend, because I LOVE YOU and I want to drown you in all the love I carry for you … so .. will you let me sink u ?
I took a breath and looked at her ..
She had tears in her eyes for the first time .. and a small smile spread across her beautiful lips..
” Here, see my tears? This is me experiencing my rainy winter , now would you give me your warmth ? ” she said and pecked my lips …
I have no description for this moment …
She pulled back , grinning with a teary eye ,
We went inside her house and she put her arms around my neck , mine were on her waist ;
“You see my happy spring because you change every season of mine to spring , And For the record , you do not have to try and drown me in the sea of your love ; I already have …. ” and then she kissed me..
This time with more passion…
” I love you ” she whispered , her breath falling on my lips ..
” I love you more ” I said and put her on my shoulder and startesd moving towards the living room..
” What the …” She laughed …
She laughed and I stopped ….
I put her down and looked at her..
” what ? ” she chuckled ..
” Your laugh…” I trailed..
” my laugh ? ” she raised her eyebrows ..
” is my favourite season ” I grinned and pushed her on the couch with me on top of her..
Sometimes , You just have to let go without wanting to loosen your grip..
sometimes , you have to settle , while wanting to rustle …
Sometimes, you have to let it happen, without wanting it to occur …
Sometimes , you have to nod a yes , while your thoughts scream a no …
Sometimes , you have to stop , without wanting to take a halt …
Sometimes, you have to walk straight , while your heart wants you to run back …
Sometimes , you have to unleash things , without wanting to release them ..
Sometimes you have to surrender, while you know how to conquer..
Sometimes , you have to accept , without wanting to believe ..
Sometimes, you have to stay quiet , while wanting to shout …
Sometimes , you have to trust , without wanting to confide …
Sometimes , you have to let it pass , while wishing to hold it back ..
Sometimes , you have to hear the truth , without wanting to know it ..
Sometimes , you have to sink into the reality ,while wanting to swim past your dream land ..
Sometimes , you have to realise it’s not just about you ,
without wanting to acknowledge the others …
I admire my scars
Because they remind me of the times I survived
I compliment my flaws,
Because they make me want to improve
I like my unmanicured hands ,
Because they reflect my hard work
I stand confident on my rough feet,
Because they carry the memories of the journeys I successfully completed
I smile at my dark circles,
Because they are my diary entries from the nights I over-worked
I love my tired eyes ,
Because they recite the stories of my sleepless night
I grin at my unkept hair ,
Because they tell me I have had more important things to do
I feel affection towards my dry skin ,
Because it lost it’s nourishment to the bright sun I toiled in
I laugh and live happily with all my imperfections,
Because they bought me to where I stand today ,
Because they define the path from where I started to where I reached ,
Because , they carved me to a better , real and a perfect version of me
Because they let the world choose to love or hate who I actually am and not judge the perfected , moulded and recreated me .
I’M PERFECT !
” It is all about how YOU view things “
She told me she needed to find the right place to reside and in return would help me live better somehow..
I took a deep breath and gave her the permission to climb up to me
She took me away from my ‘ log kya kahenge ‘ prison
That’s when I ditched the ‘dr’ title and chose my passion
We swam through the pool of taunts and dodged the head jailor whose name tag read ‘society ‘
She made me free from the chains of ‘ ideal choices’ and the tortures of ‘ always making the right decissions’
She kicked away the guards of the ‘ judgemental ‘ unit
She flew me to a world where eyes did not scan what I wore
But viewed what was inside the skeletal structure
We fought the ‘haters ‘ gang and bruised the ‘ gossip’ community
Even after all this ‘war ‘ against the world ; She hadnt found her destination yet , and I was unaware of how she was going to make my life better ..
That is when she stabbed the ‘society cooked ‘ me and let the ‘ rough and raw version of ‘ me live .
” don’t let the walls of the world strip you of your real identity” she said ” Dont change yourself to fit into the categories of this world , you should be able to pass the bars of acceptance chose by you . You should be the one judging you , you should be the one making changes to yourself and not the remarks of this hideous society we live in “
I closed my eyes and inhaled her words … after a few seconds of self – introspections , gathering of courage and analysis , I exhaled . With the breath I threw the ‘society molded me’ out to leave behind a sack of untouched clay , which waited to be moulded by the experiences I choose to have , to be decorated by all the wrong decissions I make , to be carved by the craftments of all the failures I have , to be dried by the heat of the hard work I do , to be picked up by the hands of my passions and to be placed in the shelves of success I achieve .
I opened my eyes to see her ; the inner desire , the inner me , finally find a place where it can be expressed .
She kept her promise ,
She found a place to reside and being her home helped me have a better life .